🔥 Remark Ecom FIASCO 2.0: The Networking Party That Probably Shouldn't Exist
Like Fyre Fest 2 🔥, it's unclear whether or not this will actually happen but let's take a page out of Billy's book, and not get lost in these minute details... Welcome to Remark's party that may or may not be the Fyre Fest of eCommerce networking events!
Unlike Shoptalk, there’s no Vegas airport to gamble away your sanity 🎰—just a questionable event venue where the only high-stakes betting is on whether the Wi-Fi or walls will hold up.
Join fellow eCompreneurs for a night of networking, ego-stroking, and just enough chaos to keep things interesting. *Think bug fixing during a Q4 tech freeze. Expect business card exchanges, outrageous promises of synergy, and a healthy dose of did-we-actually-pay-for-this skepticism.
🎤 Speaker Series Highlights:
Performative LinkedIn Posting 101: Crafting posts so self-congratulatory, even your high school gym teacher would hit "like."
The Art of the Humblebrag: Because why network when you can just flex instead?
Growth Hacks That Definitely Worked For Someone, Probably.
Come for the connections, stay for the trainwreck potential. (Seriously, though, it'll be fun. Probably.)
Location: Somewhere sketchy but glamorous but still TBD (think akin to Times Square Olive Garden)
Dress Code: Business casual, disaster optional (Life Jacket maybe recommended). No we're not buying the Staten Island Ferry from Pete Davidson.
Cost: Just your dignity if you still have it in 2025 (bless you 😘).
FAQS
Q: Are refunds available?
A: Honey, that’s not how pyramid schemes work.
Q: Is this event realistic?
A: As realistic as your revenue goals made by your CFO.
Q: Why is it called “ECOM FIASCO”?
A: Because we set the bar low so you can’t be disappointed. Plus, it sounds cooler than “Networking Disasterpalooza.”
Q: What should I wear?
A: Business casual with a touch of existential crisis. Bonus points if your outfit screams “I hustle, but ironically.”
Q: Can I bring a plus one?
A: Why would you do that to them?
Q: Will I actually learn anything useful?
A: Unlikely.
Q: Is the VIP package worth it?
A: Also Unlikely.
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💎 👑 The 'Disruption Deity' VIP Package - $9999:
Performative Posting Workshop: The exclusive, invite-only session where you’ll learn the art of crafting LinkedIn posts so perfectly polished that people will assume you’re living in a WeWork penthouse. Includes:
Personalized Humblebrag Prompts tailored to sound effortlessly impressive and insufferably aspirational. (Examples: “Crazy to think that just a year ago I was [doing something relatable], and now I’m [doing something outrageously unrelatable]. Stay humble. 🚀”)
Caption Optimization Strategies to boost engagement with words like “resilience,” “grindset,” and “gratitude.”
Helicopter Ride: A one-way flight from somewhere irrelevant to somewhere equally unnecessary—designed purely for the TikTok flex. Plus, you’ll get a video montage set to an inspirational lo-fi beat, ready for immediate posting.
Glow-in-the-Dark Synergy Hat: Let everyone know you’re a networking legend even when the lights go out. Available in ‘Blinding Neon Green’ and ‘Desperate-for-Validation Blue.’
Blue Checkmark Wrist Band: Because credibility is all about appearances. This band glows softly, signifying your status as a verified eCommerce visionary. Will it get you access to anything special? No. Will it make you feel superior? Absolutely. Diamond 💎 Hands 💎.
Register for more details!