Fatherhood Anxiety in the Modern Age | Mandate Media Club #3

​At this meeting of the Mandate Media Club, we’ll be talking about fatherhood anxiety in the modern age.

​For the longest time, I never thought I would want to be a dad. Much of that pessimism was born out of the anxiety I experienced around sex and intimacy. “I can’t picture myself in a happy relationship,” I once thought, “so, how can I picture myself as a happy dad?” I’ve worked through most of that old baggage, but I still feel resistance. And I’d love to convene a group of non-dads, pre-dads, and proper dads to talk about their feelings (past and present) on this topic. 

​I’ll send a list of questions to think about a couple of days prior to the meeting. But here are my media picks to stimulate discussion:

​🤳 Dealing with Past Trauma, a video by Kier Gaynes — Instagram

​Gaynes is a therapist, content creator, and mental health advocate whose work often focuses on fatherhood. This is one of his early viral videos which speaks directly to young black men about the importance of dealing with trauma before becoming a dad. 

​📰 When Fatherhood Doesn't Go to Plan, a piece by Kevin McGuire — The New Fatherhood

​This piece is by a friend of mine who runs the fantastic Substack, The New Fatherhood. What I love about Kevin’s writing is that he doesn’t pull punches or mince words. Reading his account of dealing with Paternal post-natal depression somehow made me feel less scared about being a dad because it reminded me that we all go through some stuff, but if you ask for the help you need, it gets better. 

​🎤 The New One, a Comedy Special by Mike Birbiglia — Netflix

​This comedy special is actually from my 2020 list of favorite creative work. Birbiglia basically has taken pretty much all of my fatherhood anxieties and turned them into a revolving door of laugh-out-loud jokes. This performance hugged me like Birbiglia's couch (this reference will make sense after you watch). 

​​(This is event is an extension of The Mandate Letter, a fast-growing newsletter about masculinity and mental health).